just sit and have dinner with me please

did i exist to you that morning before you ran out
did you remember my love
that middling sunlight stitching in between switchblade blinds
your words then were cotton candy, sweet but thin, gone the instant i tasted them
was this really what i was looking for
was this enough

have you ever walked down to the pond on a cold, spring dawn
the grass weeping with joy, sharing its dewlife in marriage with your soles
and your soul renourished, refreshed
a fog just like a blanket, you are beloved, you are cherished
and the two ducks by the shore, still asleep
their necks craned around in bliss
they don’t know what the world holds for them outside this space
they don’t know the world exists outside this space
but they have each other, and for them, it seems to be enough

i’ve found there is enough in life by itself
the bounty of beauty and love overflows
yet another boy looks at me and asks me another
and he smiles and laughs and asks me another
and he nods and looks serious and asks me another
i answer another, i need another
so:
am i enough to hold your interest
am i enough to fill that void we all have

have you ever embraced boredom?
do you think of the ducks?
have you ever wondered what animals do

Please excuse me, I think I can’t go on until I’ve shared this, something from online: My name is Zach. I teach physics and I like to spend my weeknights running, cooking new dishes, reading, lesson planning, and Netflix :P. Anytime I have the opportunity to travel I am on that plane! LOVE Miyazaki and Tarantino!!! Spend my weekends hiking, watching new film, and getting wild with friends! Summer 2016! Hit me up! #blessed

now, don’t you feel just as empty as i do
tell me, which of these am I enough of: fun, interesting, intelligent, passionate?
because i am not enough
without being fun enough, intelligent enough, passionate enough, interesting enough
well, this how it is:

i teach physics. i am happy when i walk to work and the sun is rising over the mississippi and i have a strong coffee in my hands. before me is a day with smiling kids and adults with infinitely deep hearts. when i go home i am exhausted. i love my family and my friends but my life is given to my school, and that is enough, and it will not be given to you, yet. when i am outside i am rejuvenated. i do not believe in the chase for the novel or the unique necessarily. i believe in love that is deep and honest like the Earth. i believe in love like the redwood. i reject irony. i believe i need no one to live my life to its entire potential. i believe in sharing this life instead.

Sitting across from me, another boy is asking me another question. His aspirations are big, lofty like his dreams he was taught to dream from adults who love him unconditionally. To fill his instagram with the foreign. To seek out all local food experiences. To learn how to brew beer and talk about it for hours. He wants to be interesting. He wants to be passionate. He wants to be intelligent.

I want
a man that holds me like winter
frost on the window, fingers tracing me
drawing out the slowest shiver

I want
a man that loves me in silence
draws out the moment with a glance
Tolstoy in a blink, but only
my heart can beat in response

I want
a man with eyes a coffee prize
warmth and depth in one infinitely intimate sip
drives me to a place, rain and train
and inside out

a man who knows I’m not everything
for whom I can’t be everything
the world is too much
for one person to fill it at all
but just enough to share

And what does he do when he sits alone at night, nothing immediately before him? This is all I want to know. How do you handle the void in our lives? How do you handle boredom? Please do not make a joke. I am serious.

I am serious.

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2 thoughts on “just sit and have dinner with me please

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